Somebody Feels Like a Nobody

Rush, Rush, Rush. Go, go, go. That had been my life the whole time I was in college and after wards. There was down time every now and then. Maybe in between jobs or on college breaks. But other than that, it was always gotta do this, gotta do that. Life now, is very different. No school, no job. I have my daughter and I have my home obligations but other than that, I have nothing else I HAVE to do. Trying to find a job can be a very stressful thing. Not knowing where money is going to come from or how your going to get around or if your going to get around can be a hard thing. I wonder if maybe this is God's way of saying, "sit down and chill out." I am not sure. I am not sure about much of anything lately. I am sure of one thing though, I feel like a nobody. I am not sure if that is okay or not, but I do. I went to undergrad and have some grad school work accomplished, but I don't feel very accomplished. I know it must be because I am not working, but if I were working, would I feel like a somebody? Or just another body. I've recently witnessed how even execs can get to feeling like nobody's. I was telling a good friend earlier of how this isn't how I had imagined it when I was a little girl playing with my barbies. This isn't how my life was going to be when I grew up. Single mother with no job not knowing where life was going to take her next. No, I was going to marry the man of my dreams in the big beautiful dress that I had designed myself and we would live happily ever after in our home with our kids....that was the way it was going to be. But its not that way, and who know if it ever will be. All I know now is that I hang on by faith, and I await the next big thing, hoping to feel like a somebody.